1. A day without cellphone

I had a day without cellphone yesterday. I turned it off before the battery dead, and the day without cellphone began. I spent more time with my laptop and checked Facebook, Renren and Douban at least four times frequent than I usually do. Nothing happens there and I have nothing more to say. BUT it makes me feel better. I talked to my mom twice a day, but I used to talk to her twice a week. We use Wechat text and leave audio message to each other. I told mom my cellphone is dead and I don’t have my charger and this would last for a whole day. Then mom and I reached an unspeakable privity, logging in on QQ for the whole day.

Close relationship is like this right? When you are very available for each other, the person could be a part of you daily life so that you don’t need to pay extra attention to. He or she is like your coffee machine, you won’t kiss it all the time but you know whenever you need a cup of coffee, it is there for you. However, when the routine is broken, so one borrow the coffee machine from you, though he promised you can still get the coffee whenever you want, you start feel unsafe about whatever the machine itself, or the coffee you potentially need. Then you want a coffee all the time, not really you becomes more thirsty for coffee, but you just cannot help thinking about a cup of coffee made from YOUR coffee machine. You need an assurance, an certainty, an authority, you need things again under your control and get the possibility of conducting you routine back.

2. Spring festival

It is spring festival in China today. My parents made dumplings together. When I wechated my parents, I heard them teaching my brother don’t pee everywhere in the apartment. My mom said it is spring festival, we just cleaned the apartment, so he cannot pee wherever he wants to. I don’t really think so. He should have a privilege to pee wherever he wants since it is spring festival. I like this brother more than the last one. He doesn’t have and doginality problem. And he play with himself if my parents don’t have time to get along with him.

Fireworks is a tradition in China. The sky is always lighted up at the New Year’s Eve, and the next following two weeks, the city suffers from the smell of firework leftovers. I don’t understanding why scientist doesn’t invite some ecology friendly fireworks so people can have as much fun as they want without polluting the air. There is a children safe firework, the sparks is not hot so kids can touch the sparks while the firework is burning in their hands. It is small but super fun.

3. The rituals I had:

I have ritual difficulties since every time I made a plan, it won’t really last long. I’ve heard about the saying that 21 days insistence nourishing a habit. It means if you continue to do something as a ritual for 21 days, you will get used to it and it won’t be hard to keep going. However, it is the same easy to give it up if you simply stop doing it. ***Yoga is the same, memorize English words is the same. I can start anything I want, keep them lasting, but when they stops I won’t feel bad. HOWEVER, there is one thing that I cannot stop and if I stop it I will feel bad, psychologically and physically. That’s WRTING. I have to write, not necessarily everyday, but at least every other day. I have to write whenever I want to and if I cannot do it, or I just stop doing it because of some external reasons, such as a very very intense scheduled travel or busy to death one day school life, I will feel dying. I kept writing since I was 10 years old. Weekly journal to diary, blog, poem, novel, short story…. all different things and all different styles. I don’t really know what I’m writing about and I never have a plan about my writing. I have the need of writing something down and I just do it. It is not a ritual in terms of my need on doing it. However, it is a ritual in terms of writing is a part of me.

4. Learning to make coffee

Why I never worked in a cafe before? This is so wrong. The first year I came here, When I talked to Leo about the works we’ve done before, he told me he can make the best Latte ever. I thought he was joking, but he said he worded in a cafe in his university before, and he was INTO making the best Latte. Fine, I can make the best milk tea anyway. Is that comfort me a little bit. Not really. I should work in a cafe too. If one day I’m going marry someone, I could make him the best Latte plus the best milk tea ever. That would be comforting.

5. Sleeping mate

If one person only sleep with you, what will the person mean to you? I’m not talking about sex. Just sleeping. Him, one side of the bed; you, another side of the bed. You can hug each other for sure; you can also sleep separately on your own side, back to back, or whatever. Just sleep together, no talking, no living, no anything. Would it be the same as sleeping with a Teddy Bear? Would you name him as something warm and cute? The most important thing, would you treat him as a person or a thing?

6. Gay friend

I don’t know why, a lot of girls like gays, including me. I cannot tell who is a gay who is not. It always happens like this: I meet someone, I though “this guy is so mild and nice and humous and cute”, then it turns out to be he likes boys too. I talked about this with my friends, quite a lot of them had the same experience before. Question, why someone can tell if a man or a woman is homosexual or not, some cannot?

7. Spring is still far away

Snow start melting. But when I asked about when spring will come, the answer is April. That’s too far away from now, and the semester almost ends at that time.

8. Chinese writing and a language joke I made with my true love

Monkey is my true love in this world. We were high school classmate and also university classmate. That’s like a chance of winning a lottery in China. Every time I checked our chatting history, there would be something super funny there. Like this one:

Me: “DummyImleavingbacktoschooltomorrowsoIwillsendyouthepostcardafterwards”

Monkey: “Only I can understand your sentence without punctuation!”

Me: “AndIalwayssaysomethingbitchytoyouwithoutconsiderationplusmakescreencutaonourgayphotoesthensendthemtoyou.”

Monkey: “You dummy……”

9. Girl’s friendship

The magic thing about this friendship is that when taking a retrospect about things happened between us, I find those moments we’ve shared together are fading their original color. The scenes, images in my mind become more beautiful and dreamlike because they changed their color and automatically edited into a more artistic and nostalgic way. I can remember I shouted her name in the corridor so that she would feel embarrassed because everybody on the first floor could hear her name, but I cannot remember how we spent the rest of the day together; I remember that we walked together outside of the dorm, preparing to go to the restaurant, then I asked “do you want to play pool?” She said “Why not?” then we went to the pool instead of went to lunch like two idiots, but I cannot remember how was the pool going; I remember she told me her ex boyfriend hates me since she spent too much time with me but I cannot remember how I answered to this; I remember the moment we walk into the shopping mall near our university; I remember how we are standing by the bar waiting for our milk tea and how I stared into the counter watching the girl pouring hot water into the disposable cup, but I cannot remember our conversation at this moment. My memory about this friendship is like a filter with an operating mechanism that I can scarcely figure out. It is nice in fact. It makes me feel that every detail about her in my mind is so true, so real since I can do nothing to it. what is going to be stored and what is going to be forget are not my call. I don’t bother to try to save something for myself, I just experience every moment we’ve shared and wait.


This American Life Pandora’s box

Here is a link with free video of this short documentary:


This kind of program/ show mostly aiming at inspiring the audience to think. The second one is emotionally distant, the third one’s scene is too severe makes the audience focusing more on what’s happening within the shot.

Among the three pieces in this episode, I like the first one most partially because I’m very interested in PTSD patients and their mental worlds representation in screen productions, partially because the video brings out a question I’ve never thought about before: does PTSD patients wants to erase their memory if they have an option. Instead of focusing on its symptom, the study of memory related chemical provides an optional solution for this mental trauma.

At the beginning the scientist talks about people’s memory about their birthday party, first kiss, their first child and other precious moment in a person’s life. Then he talks about after they find the memory control chemical through reduce which may erase people’s memory, a lot of PTSD patients writes to them ask for deleting their memory. When he explain their desperation of suffering from their traumatic event, he use a contrast series of image to illustrate the “outcomes” of memory erasing: a couple dancing on the street then they disappear; a birthday party room without a person sitting by the table; a swing swaying yet with no child on it. Everything was there, everything faded away. It is a striking moment because it makes me think: how much may a person who suffered from PTSD really suffers so that he want to get rid of the bad memory so much even the price is all those sweet and unforgettable memories? Will the memory chemical study raise an option for people in the future functioning like euthanasia in a human freedom/ human right context? If it will, how could we tell the weight of memories’ value and it devastated power and make the right decision? The picture set lasts for a while and gives me enough time to evoke some related concerns and inquiries. So I like this part most.

In terms of the whole video, the most important quality is its realistic attitude. there are shots about the experiment process, including the mouse running the container, pigs crowed together in the farm, and the midnight fast food restaurant. Everything is convincible and REAL. Plus the explanation (three part), interview (with the restaurant service girl) and reading other sources (the letters asking for memory erasing), the whole episode bind these three pieces without a relevant topic together. Inspiring the audiences’ question and thinking.

However, the video in general is not striking to me since it is soooooo scientific. Just a personal feeling that only well made stories could be striking.

Lecture about this clip:

How does the author make the shift?

the shots connected to labs/ the professional equipment and scenes. How do you make shots highly literate and pick up the shots build up the story space in the aiming context?



1.this is my current diary book:) I have a whole drawer of diary books at home. I kept a two-year diary before: the first year I use the too part of the page, second year I use the bottom part, so that I would know what happened at the same time last year.


2. I think the white water logging was ice before. People put the special salt to accelerate snow/ice to melt. This is how the floor looks like afterwards. A lot of things like this too, if you just let it go naturally, there would be “sequela” afterwards. However, if you put force in the process, there may be an ugly scar left.




3. I took this picture while I was waiting for the bus in the bus shelter this afternoon. The guy is picking up recyclable things from the trash can. The moment I saw him kneeing on the ground, I wanted to cry.






4. Its me on the shelter’s glass:)




5. I found that towards this glass, only when I stand at this position I could take a picture both including my reflection and the sunlight beam.



6. An apartment face to the bus shelter. Nobody was on the street at that time. It was a quite and peaceful afternoon.





1. My cell phone is running out of battery and I don’t have a charger by hand. I don’t have any class on Tuesday this semester, so I can spend the whole day at home by myself. The white sunlight cast through our jalousie into the living room, a very very peaceful afternoon that reminds me of my childhood.

2. I love coconut water recently and I don’t know why; I know that someone hate it, claiming it tastes like vomitus. (ew….)

3. When examining a space, it doesn’t matter the size and specific function, there is always a high concordance between the physical place and the mental space of people who have activities here. In other words, to judge if a space if well arranged or designed, you need to stay there and feel if there is a harmony (function, style, decoration, size, other people…) exists.

4. Blood splatter is just a stunt in Dexter. The show is about this character’s personal life. Very few American TV shows could jump out of this circle. This is like most of Korean youth soap operas could not broke the spell of telling fairy tale about prince and princess’s romantic stories.

5. I like jalousie, the shadow of the window frame casted on it looks very beautiful; it reminds me of some modern art works.

6. If I can have my own art gallery or exhibition someday, I will use Beijing and its memory space as the theme. I cannot take pictures today, so why not post some pictures I took before at home? 🙂


This is a typical Hutong in Qian Men area. I took this picture in the summer of 2012. Every time I walk through a Hutong, there is a super strong nostalgia striking my heart. I’ve never lived in a Hutong for a long time, but this is really the exact feeling of old Beijing.


I took this picture at the same time as taking the last one. It is a resident place in the Hutong. Behind the red door, there is a small yard. Across the small yard, there should be several rooms connected together. This is a mini Siheyuan, a traditional Beijing resident place.

I looked into the slot, and took this picture:


The original white print has already stripped. I don’t know how long this yard stays here. I remember the song 1943. The singer Jay was so famous about 15 years ago when he released his first album.

I found the English version of this song:

Shanghai 1943

Composer: Jay Chou (周杰倫) (周杰伦)
Lyricist: Vincent Fang (方文山) (方文山)

The drifting yellow lucky inscription still remains on the wall
I can scarcely see a few words that say year after year can be safe and secure
In the crock of rice in the old home that I have not come back to before
Grandpa used standard script of handwriting to write a full
The patio door full of carvings is crawling with Golden Pothos
Setting sun going down reflects in mottled brick wall
Paving beech plank inside the house is still hazy
Grandma in her former years fermented bean sauce
I face the black and white photograph and start to imagine
The appearance of my father and mother in their former years
The girl who is speaking a mouthful of Shanghai dialect slowly walks pass the Bund
The vanished old times
On the road of memories
Time becomes very slow
Old neighbours
Small playing hall
It belongs to that era, the white walls’ and the black tiles’ light sadness
The vanished old times
The part watched when turning back
There’s a bit of weather-beaten
Old vinyl
Old leather suitcase
The iron box full of postcards hides a rose petal
the original link: http://jaychoustudio.com/jay-chou-translations/shanghai-1943/16

Ten Things for Jan 28

Ten Things for Jan 28

1. It is freezing cold today. The snow on the road frozen.
2. A birthday present for the Eldar. He came here last summer and I had a great time with him. The days we’ve spent together reminds me of my teenage time.
3. I stop using things, but I’m still living my life. Is that right?
4. Presents for boys are all wrapped in blue papers and boxes; for girls, pink. But it is not the case. I should have made a joke, put Eldar’s comic marker in a pink bag.
5. This is the third semester for Brian being in my Chinese class. He just came back from Singapore. He talked to me and walk me back to the office floor, he stayed there and said” because long time no see” and smiling at me. I know a little “truth” about him, but I still love him. The longer I taught my students, the more details I know about them. But I love them more, a lot more than the first day I saw them.
6. I text to my dad, asking him why I didn’t hear from him or mom today. It was 4am in Beijing. Dad texted to me back, explaining that try we’re busying cleaning the house since Chinese New Year is coming. I texted back wondering why my dad stay up this late. Dad said that he had already been sleep. I realized that my text must ring him up. My dad doesn’t turn off the ringer of his cellphone during the night because he is worried about me. Nobody will text to my parents dying the night except for me. The 10 hours distance suddenly becomes so long for me, and my parents, for the first time felt so far away from me.
7. I had a Cheetos last week and it looks like letter “Y”.
8. Valentina’s day is coming. But what the hell is it of my business? Socrate said that a life without examine is not a real life. A relationship fails to develop into a family is not a real relationship. Things happen, we need to be appreciated. But no more than this.
9. I don’t like my period, why there is no scientist invents something stop women’s period?

Ten Things for Jan 27

Ten Things for Jan 27

1. This is my life. I thought it is so unreal before, but I don’t know why this morning I feel it is so real. My life here in UI never as real as this morning. I’m thinking that probably many years later when I look back to these pictures and recall this morning, I will still feel very real. The moments people remember and forget are not necessarily something extraordinary.
2. Medical gloves is not something the patient can grab by himself. Or it would be a mistake and the one made the mistake need to be punished.
3. I remember my mom always drink coca cola when she catch a cold. But there is only sugar and bubbles inside. Yesterday dad went back home grabbing a big bottle if coke. He said it is for my mom. Mom didn’t really buy it, she throw words to dad” I can buy it by myself if I want.” Lol almost 25 years marriage is like this.
4. Is passion a part of love? Or is passion a appearance of love? Or passion is a kind of love? For me passion is passion, love is a total different thing. Sometimes they just coincidentally happens to the same person.

Ten Things for Jan 26

1. The Wolf of Wall St.
2. American movie goers love thing has a conclusion or tells a “truth”, but the real truth is live your life. And life often doesn’t have one truth since everyone is different.
3. I love the story because it is so real. I’m just a poor literature student and a stoke broker’s life is far away from me like another galaxy. BUT, it is so real about this character. Then I learnt it is adapted from the real person Jordan Belford’s autobiography. What is real is not the story, but the person.
4. The pace of the film is slow but REAL. Like when you get older, starting I recall the past, what would appear in your memory should be like every scene picked in this film: the most exciting moment, the most erotic moment, the most heart-broken moment, the most touching moment, the most absurd moment. Everything that may strike you when you look back not necessarily something shocking or dramatic, but something could count as the landmarks throughout your life by your own judgement.
5. After the film I have this idea: a perfect wife does everything exactly perfect! Cooking, baking, taking care of kid. Sexy beautiful understanding and considerable. She knows how to make one specific cocktail which can almost get her husband high; she knows how to make and arrange the spice containers in a tidy and easy style; she knows how to give a blow job that could be called “the best around the world”. She just know every single matter’s best and perfect solution in this world, which means she never does anything not perfect. In other words, she never does things in a second way. This so called perfect woman has a past that no one around her knows. How many bad cocktails she had made, how many childish and creative things she had made for the old apartment, how many messing blow job she had done to the single man. But past doesn’t matter anymore for those who gain the perfect as a present. The girl is this kind of person, she wants to be perfect, she learns, fails, making efforts, moving forward, and dumping ole things and those couldn’t perfect her. There is this point, she becomes perfect, being with this man almost perfect. She stops now not because of love or happiness or satisfying or anything else, it is because she becomes the perfect woman finally. But there should be something, a tiny changing happens to her life and ruins the universe’ balance for her. Her life will never be in peace or stops not because there is no perfect woman or perfect life, it is because if this is her! She is this kind of person who cannot stop.
6. Leonardo Dicaprio is soooooo hot! God sake he makes soooooo much improvement in acting compared to when he played Jack:) an actor’s maturity really depends on his variety of acting experience and who he cooperate with.